The Forgotten Blog

I should have been using this blog the entire last year as a journal, but of course, I started it, created one entry, and then abandoned it.

Several people that have stumbled across it, have made requests that I resurrect it. And as I still need that outlet to release steam, here we are.

First, some minor modifications to what I wrote in the first post, well over a year ago.

TDH is no longer on Oxy. That in itself is its own blog post, but suffice it to say that it was not an easy thing for him to do. He is now on a different type of pain medication, called Suboxone, that has its own pros and cons. Because of this, I have modified the blurb under the title and omitted the part about his battle with Oxy.

His back has gotten substantially worse in the last year. How bad? We don't know yet. His last Dr appt. he finally received approval for a new MRI, but that was over a month ago, and we haven't heard a single word about it since. Time for a follow up, I know.

This is now mid-July, and the heat has been beyond oppressive. Highs well over 115 this past week, with nearly 40% and higher humidity. You can't get cool / cold unless you bathe in ice. Go outside for 30 seconds and are soaked immediately in sweat.

Heat and suboxone don't mix well. The heat literally sweats the drug right out of his system. This is especially bad because he his limited as to how much per day he can take or he will run out of medication before the end of the month. We are allowed only a one month supply at a time, and thank gods that his health insurance covers it 100%. Those pills are nearly $10 a piece - 2 a day x 30 days = a full bottle is danm near $600!!!!

The heat also makes us, him, beyond cranky. This is not so good for happy relationship mojo. Fights happen out of no where, and seems like we spend more days angry at each other for stupid things than not angry.

So much of it stems from where and how we live - 7 people in one tiny house would drive the sanity out of the most patient person in the world. Throw in the fun fact that 3 of those 7 are teenagers, and one is a Hoarder/OCD Compulsive that really REALLY needs to be on A&E's TV show "Hoarders" - you are just asking for disaster.

TDH does not know I have this blog. So posting will have to be 'on the sly'. In the next weeks I will do my best to put more information on here.

Last Night

First post. The reason I got up this morning and started this blog was all due to what happened last night.

But first I should "introduce" the cast of characters involved here. Because there is quite a character list.

Tall, Dark, and Handsome (To be referred to hereafter as TDH) is the male subject, my soul mate, and the adult love of my life. It is his struggle here that I blog about and how it affects my life.
Myself = I'm the loved one of TDH

We live with my Dumbass Dad, or now known as DD. More about him later.

There are a smattering of children between us ... 2 for me, and 3 for him, but for the purpose of this blog, they won't be involved much. Nor should they be.

Then we have the menagerie of animals around here ... we have 3 dogs together, and I have a cat and a horse that are just mine. As for where we live, I'll just say its the US, we have too much sun and no snow.

So that's the nutshell version of who we are. I can assure you that we are well over the age of stupidity and thinking we are immortal (read that as we are far from being teenagers lol). For the record, he's a decade older than myself, but that has never been an issue, as we are both semi-responsible adults that have kids and 'been there, done that'.

So back to last night. I had just fallen asleep, its something after midnight, and TDH reaches over and grips my arm in a death grip. I wake back up, and ask What is wrong, are you ok? He can't talk, or move, he's frozen in place, but can't express that. Knowing that it was probably one of his nightmares, I wait patiently for him to say that it was a nightmare, and eventually he regains the ability to speak. When he does start speaking, he reveals that what he just went through was the worst nightmare he's ever had ... so horrible in fact that he can't believe his own mind would have the ability to come up with anything like that.

What he was able to explain to me was something out of a "Saw" movie but ten times worse. The dream had him so upset and shaken up that he was terrified to lay back down again and go back to sleep, and as he managed to get his legs working again (that took almost 15 minutes as the dream had frozen them so he couldn't move away), he got up and sat on the edge of the bed. As he was getting up, he started weeping some, like a small child would after a bad dream. I was doing my best to comfort him, but while I know what to say to a child that really doesn't realize it was a nightmare and "not real" what do you say to a fully grown man when he has a nightmare so terrifying that it has HIM crying afterward?

As it was, I eventually did go back to sleep, but he sat on the edge of the bed sleeping sitting up because he was afraid to lay back down. I would feel him jerk awake and I would urge him to come lay down, but I was never sure if he heard or understood me. Not until about 7.30 this morning did he finally come lay down in bed and he is now snoring behind me.

What caused the nightmare? I could speculate but the most likely reason would be the Oxy.